It's been radio silence on my Instagram for about two months now. I haven't been able to come up with the energy to share, to take pictures, or to even practice asana. I've been trying to get these words out for a week and it hasn't felt right, but today, I woke up, and it all started flowing to me.
I made a decision at the end of February that turned my world upside down. It completely changed the course of my life as I had envisioned. It was the hardest thing I've ever done but I know in my heart and with all of my being, I know, that it is the best way for us to heal and grow into the best versions of ourselves.
I couldn't get those words out without sounding vague. I post about authenticity and vulnerability. I want to be a part in ending the stigma around mental health issues. I want to bring light to the darker human experiences that we have gone through but keep hidden because of the shame in our culture around talking about them. I have so much to share with you and some day, I will. In the mean time, whatever it is you are going through, know that you are not alone. There is healing power in talking about our experiences, in connecting with others who have been through the same. There are people who can and will meet you where you are. Not everyone is ready to hear you, but know your worth, know you are worthy of unconditional love, and those who can see you and hear you, will show up.
The grief still comes in waves but time is moving at a normal pace again. No longer does a minute or an hour feel like a whole day. Through the meditation practice I've cultivated over the past few months, I have been learning how to observe my feelings. I came up with an affirmation to help me through the harder moments that I'm sharing with you.
"It's okay to feel the way I feel. There is no shame or guilt in feeling this way. This is my shadow side coming up for an opportunity to examine why I feel this way. Observe it before moving through the negativity, doubts, and sadness. This is a practice in not reacting. This is a practice in non-attachment. I trust that life/the universe/god will take me exactly where I need to be."